The past few months have been filled with many, many highs and lows and lately I’ve been struggling with what the future holds for me. I’ve been having a hard time deciphering what route my life, both personal and professional, should take. And, lately I’ve seen so many bloggers I admire come clean with what it is they’re truly feeling, I feel like I should share my thoughts in the hopes that maybe just sharing these feelings will bring me some peace of mind.
You know how they say “you are your own worst enemy,” well, I’ve always been my own worst enemy. I’m a worrier. I worry about everything – I can’t help it. And, to make it even more difficult I’m a passionate person, so my heart and my mind are in a constant state of conflict. But, I think after months of reflection and debate, my heart may have won the battle, and this scares the living daylight out of me. I usually have trouble following through on the scarier dreams and hopes, because like I said, the worrying side of me rears its ugly head and I become my own worst enemy.
Deep down in my heart and soul, I know that the scary decisions I’m about to make will lead to the life I’ve always dreamed of. I’m in for a challenging journey, but I know that I can do it. The thought of failing scares me, but I know that my heart is in this 100% and with the love and support of the BF, my friends and family everything will work out as long as I keep believing in myself. I’ll share a little bit more next week, and maybe a little more the week after, but I need to take baby steps in sharing the less glamorous thoughts I have. I know I’ll want continue to share with you all because writing this post in itself has made me feel 100 times better than I did 15 minutes ago.
One thing I do know for sure, is that just like I said in the very first post on this blog, I have always admired my sister’s (CK’s) ability to follow her heart. She always does what she feels in her gut as being the right thing, and I feel like I’m finally starting to do more of this.
I’ve shared a few inspiring quotes I’ve been reading over and over again while I make these life decisions, and as cheesy as it may be, I always feel a great sense of calm after I read them out loud to myself. Change, following dreams and taking a chance are all happening for me at this very moment, and while I’m so incredibly scared of the uncertainty that lies ahead I know that my heart has never felt more alive. Thanks for listening, I love you all -especially my wonderful sister who always inspires me.
xoxo – Bettina
